Alzheimer's Can Be a Selfish Disease

Alzheimer’s can be a selfish disease.  That doesn’t mean your loved one suffering from Alzheimer’s is a selfish person, at least not intentionally.  But it affects the lives of those around them in selfish ways.

When Dad passed away, we were unable to notify some of our relatives in another state about his funeral.  Prior to his death, Mom had delusions that he was seeing certain female family members behind her back even though it was impossible unless he had a time machine.  So my sisters and I had to make the difficult decision not to notify them about the funeral, not even his death, until after the fact.  We wanted Dad’s funeral to be dignified.  We didn’t want this difficult day to be tainted by Mom’s rants, false accusations and malicious glares.  We took the easy way out.

What made it even more difficult was that afterwards we couldn’t even tell them the reason they were excluded.  We were afraid they might not understand.  They might call Mom to confront her or defend themselves.  Only after Mom’s Alzheimer’s progressed to the point where she didn’t remember what she accused Dad of doing, in fact she barely remembered Dad, were we able to contact them and beg forgiveness. 

There are still hurt feelings but honestly I don’t see how we could have handled it differently without tainting our memory of Dad’s funeral.  I’m sorry.

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